Each year, round this time, there is a woman who sits along the side of the road for two weeks and sells cherries out of the back of her truck. She doesn't really speak, I'm not sure her English is all that great. If it sounds sketchy, it probably is, but they are the best cherries I have ever had and so I hand over my cash no questions asked. :P However, every time I see her I can't help but think of the Chris Farley Saturday Night Live character Matt Foley. It was one of my favorite SNL sketches. If you don't know the character, he was a “motivational” speaker and a pretty bad one at that. Often sent to homes to get kids on the “right track”. He would usually get frustrated and end up telling them in some manner that he lives in a van down by the river: “You kids are probably saying to yourself, "Now, I'm gonna go out, and I'm gonna get the world by the tail and wrap it around pull it down and put it in my pocket!" Well, I'm here to tell you that … [Read more...]
Don’t be haten’…
If you are old like me you probably remember the “Don't hate me because I am beautiful” campaign for some shampoo I can't remember the name of(great advertising, eh?). The actress/model Kelly LeBrock said those somewhat famous words. Someone's beauty doesn't make me hate them. It takes a lot for me to be a hater. Now, if they are beautiful, can eat what ever they want(without going and throwing up it) and are genuinely nice...then I am HATING that bitch. Lucky for me most of the “beautiful people” in this world don't fit into this category. Most of the beautiful people are living off of 6 almonds a day, 2 packs of cigarettes a day and a diet Red Bull every other hour to keep them going. That and working out with their trainer, who comes to their house(now that I wouldn't mind). And Kelly LeBrock, can I be hating her? Nope, she was on Celebrity Fit Club a couple of seasons ago...that's right, she's a fatty now. Though, to be honest, she really wasn't that fat. I … [Read more...]
Real men wear kilts…
We had a rule in our house growing up. No one(meaning us kids) was allowed to sleep in past 10am. If we dare do this my father would have us greet the day by Scotland the Brave being blasted through the house. Being a teenager, I relished my sleep and so I heard that damn song over and over and over again throughout my teenage years. So much so that I grew to hate that song. Now you are probably thinking, no problem, you don't hear that song all that much. Well, when your father is in a pipe band you sure do. A lot. You hear him practice it. You hear the band play it. You hear it in the car because your dad plays Scottish bag pipe music everywhere you go in the car(still does). There was a brief period when I was encouraged to play the bagpipes and went to practice with my dad(it didn't take), you heard it then of course. Every year we would go to the Scottish Highland Games, you would hear it there. A lot. It became a joke in the family how much I grew to hate that song. Heck, my … [Read more...]
Clothing optional…
Pick up and rock and throw it around the Seattle area and you will either hit a Tanning Salon or a Coffee Shack/Stand/Cafe. With all that competition it appears that some owners have taken on a new marketing strategy. Sex sells. You no longer need to head to the beach to see an itsy, bisty, teeny, weeny yellow polka dot bikini....you just need to get a double shot espresso. Or a mocha. Or a vanilla latte. Or anything else they sell at your local coffee shack. Yes, Bikini Baristas are all the rage here in the Pacific Northwest(gosh, I'm so proud). And even better, who needs a bikini when you can just wear pasties? Hot Chicka Latte in Bonney Lake, WA features "Pasties Tuesday.” Make your travel plans now out of towners, shockingly enough, some people are trying to get those girls covered up! Giving new meaning to “perking up” your day, the ladies are not without support. I have seen many a fine looking gentleman(cough, cough) throwing his support towards these women … [Read more...]
