It’s called no…say it once in a while…


When growing up things were not given to me (or my friends for that matter) how they are now. Today’s parents seem to be riddled with guilt if they can’t give their child everything they ask for. That somehow that makes them a bad parent. I somehow got sucked into watch Tyra (it really was by accident…her and her smizing drive me insane). It was about moms who steal so that their kids can get what they want or that they can afford the activities that the kids want to do. The one girl was more than okay that her mom did this for her…because she was a good kid, got good grades and therefore deserved it. I’ll tell you what she deserves…a big kick in the pants is what she deserves. And the girl was 16…get a job. Buy your own stuff.

When I was in 7th grade they were offering a trip to Washington DC. My parents told me no, they couldn’t afford it. I asked if I used my money (I had some from the Jif commercial) and if I did the fundraising stuff the school offered could I go then. The answer was yes. That’s right, I EARNED my trip. Glad I did, it was a fun time. I also bought my car with babysitting money (I baby sat since I was 11 years old. By age 13 I was babysitting pretty much every weekend. And when I got to high school my summers were spent watching the neighbors 5 children (4 boys (one with special needs) and one cute but holy terror of a girl). It was how I paid for stuff I wanted. Now my parents agreed to pay for my car insurance as long as my grades were good (which they were) and I got random gas money or movie money but that was that. If I wanted clothing or cd’s (if you are young…this is what us old people use to listen to music on…and we made mix tapes and gave them to each other) I had to use my babysitting money. My brothers had the same deal as well.

It was articulated to me that I did not have to go to college, but if I didn’t I would be getting a full time job and be paying my parents rent when I turned 18 years of age if I wanted to stay at home. Do people forget now days that 18 is legal adult? I went the college route. Where I had grants and scholarships and became an RA so that my housing and food was paid for. And oh, had a job…and graduated on the Dean’s list while still managing to have fun.

I laugh/weep at the Sweet 16 show where the kid gets a new car for her birthday but FREAKS out because it was the wrong kind of BMW. And then you see the mom and dad apologizing and saying they will get her/him the one they really wanted. If it was free and was in good running condition…I would be all over it. Jumping up and down whether it was a Dodge Dart or a Yugo.

Start helping your children become responsible adults. Tell them no once in a while. Make them work for things. And I don’t mean, oh good you got good grades and made your bed work for things. You aren’t making their life any easier for them. My mother did my laundry all growing up; including college…I would save it up and drive it down. I never learned how to do it. I suck at it to this day. I should have been taught and made to do it myself. My father knew this but my mother insisted. Do you want your kids still depending on you at age 20, 22, 24, 26? You see where I am going with this. You don’t want to have to end up going the Failure to Launch route eventually do you…hiring someone to fall for your son or daughter to get them to move out of the house so they are no longer your responsibility. Sorry if you feel like you have to be the bad guy, but a dosage of responsibility will actually help them more in the end than you doing everything for them.

What you probably don’t want to say no to are these muffins. Basic banana muffins but with a peanut brittle topping. They do get messy as the brittle likes to melt in the oven, but who cares, they were darn tasty and more fun than just a plain ol’ banana nut muffin. I find that these were best the very first day. And since I only got 11 out of them that was fine by me, since 5 make a serving. :P

 

Comments

  1. Awesome! I love muffins, brittle and peanut…

    Cheers,

    Rosa

  2. I love your rants. I completely agree – as usual. My kids are still little but I live by this. None of this learned stupidity stuff either. My son(who’s 3.5) pretends he doesn’t know how to do something till I do it for him. No way. He needs to learn to do it himself if he wants it done. Within reason of course. These spoiled kids nowadays drive me and my hubby crazy. We don’t usually watch tv because we end up just wanting to slap someone. LOL.
    Your muffins look great :D

  3. Preach it!! I had to buy my own stuff since I was 14. I got an allowance but only if I for real did all the chores around the house. Anything beyond necessities, I saved up and bought myself and I am so grateful! I got my first “real” (aka non-babysitting) job when I was 16 and worked there for 10 years moving up from copy girl to manager of a doctors office. Of course, my crazy sister is 24 and living at home and not paying for rent or food and living like a slob…but that’s a whole ‘nother thing (she did have a nervous breakdown so maybe they feel bad for her…) I’m thankful that my parents taught me the value of a dollar and now at 27 I am living debt free! (though my car is a 1989 camry and FALLING APART)

    the recipe looks GREAT btw…I will definitely have to try this one!

  4. As a parent, I have to agree with everything you said. It’s very sad sometimes, the stuff kids get away with. And it makes it difficult on those of us who are trying to do the right thing.

    My son is 6. We use this: http://www.myjobchart.com/ Its free, and easy to use. My son logs on every day (by himself) and logs in his chores. Money goes to a little account where stuff from Amazon that he wants is stored. He can see exactly how much money he has earned and how much he needs.

    If he doesn’t log on and do his chores, fine. He doesn’t have $$ for new stuff he wants. So it’s great all the way around. I refuse to FORCE my child to work so I can pay him.

    Initiative is an important lesson too, isn’t it?

    Your muffins look great (as always)!!

    Kristan
    xoxo

  5. I totally agree with you! I had to work and buy both mine and my sisters clothes and anything we wanted. I’ve worked since I was 12. Guess what? I didn’t have a problem working and supporting us when my husband of only 1 year got really badly injured and couldn’t work. I can’t imagine if I had never worked before. I do wonder tho if parents feel guilty because they dont spend enough quality time with their kids and try to make up for it with money.
    As for the banana bread, it looks yummy yummy yummy!

  6. I couldn’t agree more. I was a spoiled child in a way, but not overly so. My parents above all put myself and my brothers first, trying to give us as much as they could within reason. We had a lot more than a lot of my friends, but I don’t think we ever felt entitled to it. I think that’s the difference now, kids feel they’re entitled to the things they are given. And parents want to feel like they are a friend rather than a parent so they keep giving. Maybe with more parents working longer hours these days they’re trying to compensate, I dunno. But nothing seems to be special anymore. I always equate it to McDonalds. When I was a kid we would have McDonalds maybe once a month, and it was a huge treat and super exciting. Nowadays, people are going all the time, it’s just another dinner.

  7. I love the rant! So much! You’ve described today’s parents so well. It’s sad to see it too. I remember while my brother and I were growing up and we didn’t always get what we wanted but we had food, clothing, and shelter. That was all we needed.

    These muffins look yum!

  8. Peabody says:

    Good analogy Adam…I do remember when going to McDonald’s was a treat! We really did only go about once a month if that.

  9. I agree with you wholeheartedly. Growing up we had to do without very often, but we were fine with it, and all of us got jobs in our teens to pay for “stuff” our parents deemed not necessary.
    My son was brought up the same way, although when a parent loses a job more than once, you don’t have a choice but to stick to necessities like food and paying bills. Sometimes, as a parent, you feel sorry for your child when all his friends/classmates go on trips, or get their university fees paid by the parents, while your child has to fork out his tuituion fees. You feel guilty because you feel you should be doing more, but then I think you are richer for the experience and learn about real life.

  10. Janet Brand says:

    Oh thank you for saying what I have thought many many times. I am so tired of people with a sense of entitlement. I was raised the same way you were; you want it, you earn it and it is how I have raised my kids. Too many people want everything handed to them anymore. It pisses me off.

  11. Yes Please! I work in a store where I see children of ALL ages walk all over their parents – and parents that let it happen. WTF?? It infuriates me. I could go on for hours about this one Peabody.
    But I wont – focus focus – these muffins look delicious.

  12. word up, peabody! i worked my butt off as a teenager to get the special things that i wanted and i hope to instill that in my children. my husband and i are always singing, “you can’t always get what you want” to our 3-year-old. ha ha ha
    i know she will appreciate it someday and so will her kids.
    i’m having one of those 13-year-old boy moments laughing at the “your muffins look great” comments…but really, they do!

  13. I’m a nanny and I know all about spoiled bratty children. You don’t know how many times I wanted to slap the parents for their horrible parenting skills. I actually had one Mom tell me that “she wants to be her daughters best friend”…obviously this is an issue with a lot of parents now a days.

  14. I totally agree. The entitlement from kids, and the things parents do for their kids… ick. My children will know responsibility, chores, money management, & more un-fun stuff!!

  15. I agree with you post to a certain extent. I think the sweet 16 show is ridiculous as well as the Tyra show you mentioned.

    However, my parents paid for everything for my brother and I including our college education plus boarding and food. I am very thankful for everything they gave me and the fact that they allowed me to graduate debt free. I don’t think I was spoiled. I work hard and played little. I would take 14 university classes in one year and that is not including the summer semester. Thus, not every kid who had a parent to provide everything for them is spoiled and lazy.

    I think that if a parent works hard to provide a child education then that parent should be allowed to do that.

  16. I agree with your parenting tips, as usual you are spot on.
    Now onto the muffins, perfect timing, I have Jif (our family favorite), ripe bananas and a huge box of Sees Peanut Brittle I didn’t know what to do with!
    Thanks!!!

  17. I could not say no to these muffins, they look amazing!

  18. AMEN!

  19. Preach on sister!!! Amen to that post. Oh I could go on and on about how much I agree with you, but I will refrain.

  20. I completely agree! My dad gave me a car when I turned sixteen. An old commuter car that’s main purpose was to bring my two younger siblings to see my dad and step mom every Monday, Friday, and every other weekend. I had to work every weekend at a fast food joint to pay for gas and insurance. I missed out on football games and stuff, but I wanted the car, so I worked for it.
    I tell my kids no all of the time. Sometimes I feel like a hard nose, but with three sets of grandparents that love them a lot, it is easy for things to spiral out of control.

  21. That Sweet 16 show where the parents throw their son or daughter a ridiculous birthday bash makes me so mad I could vomit. Where do they find these people?

  22. Tori- I’m not saying that just it’s bad that your parents paid for college, I’m saying that when you get absolutely everything handed over to you, the value of things in your life tends to lessen. I also graduated debt free, but by getting scholarships for academics, grants I qualified for, and then becoming and RA to cover room and board leaving only tuition and books (which got covered by the scholarships and grant). I worked for pizza and beer money. :P University credits must be totally different though nowadays since mine required you to have at least 12 a semester to be a full time student.

  23. Can I say yes to what you said?!
    Gosh I see it happen around me (of course I’m the bad mom and I tell them when they complain they can suck it up and tell it all to their therapist when they’re 18).
    We don’t have the grands/scholarship system around here so we pay for our oldest university study but we’re not paying for his drivers license/lessons. He plays, he pays. If you have a job you have money and that’s what he does. Yes all kids get very sensible pocket money, but if they want something special they learned to save or make a deal with their siblings to save and buy together.
    I overheard one of the boys telling a bunch of his friends: No need to carry on when she says no, it doesn’t work that way with my mom. (about a second after school treat) Age 7. I rest my case! LOL
    We watch that sweet 16 thing together sometimes and it amuses me to hear their comments! I think I raised sensible boys up to now. They’re 15, 15 and 17 so we have a stretch ahead of us but up till now they’re good.
    I think I’ll make them some muffins!

  24. I did 14 classes which is 21 credits in one semester and I did it while I was pregnant. I had a lot handed to me but I appreciate everything and I believe my parents generosity to me has in turn made me a generous person as I always donate to charity and I instil that mindsert in my daughters too.

  25. Peabody says:

    Okay..that makes more sense. I just didn’t know what the credit system is now. Back in my day it was a class was on average 3 credit hours. And I think it is different now.
    Glad that your parents generosity has made you a generous person.

  26. Great rant! Unfortunately, it applies to many of my friends’ children. (We don’t have children but if we did, they wouldn’t have everything handed to them on a silver platter.)

  27. My first car was a dollar, and I was thrilled beyond belief. Those spoiled kids can suck it.

  28. OMG I am sooo with you on this. My ex’s daughter is pre-teen and has not idea what it means to take responsibility for herself or earn something (but then neither does her father). And he sets her up with a chore to earn money to help pay for even routine clothing purchases (stuff she grows out of), pays her way too much for it, and doesn’t actually make sure she does it right! I even suggested that she might have to pay rent while in college and her dad got mad at me! She was and will always be a spoiled nightmare.

    First thing my mom did was teach me how to do laundry because she wasn’t going to do it. And she taught me how to change a tire before I even had a license. I was out of the house on my own as soon as I could after I graduated from high school, and I have succeeded because my parents taught me how to take care of myself.

  29. You’ve got that right! I think the problem is 1. the guilt because both parents work and 2. the free time they do have, they want peace.
    I see it all the time.
    It’s really hard, being a parent now…there are so many distractions. I’m so glad mine are older and I’m through all of this!
    These muffins look like candy goodness!

  30. Great post! I have 2 boys and refuse to buy them every little thing they want. They already have chores and earn an allowance. If they don’t do the chores they don’t get paid. I want them to know how to take care of themselves when they grow up… and be able to launch into the real world.

  31. EXACTLY. I had things growing up, I wasn’t neglected. But I worked from age 14+, every weekend, many weeknights after school, and by the time I was a senior in HS – EVERYDAY pretty much…40 hours a week, wnyway, plus school, and part time at college. I had enough money to buy what I wanted, I didn’t bum money from the folks. Went to college and worked full time the entire 4 years – I have no loans – I feel great about it.
    Now 6 year olds have their own cell phone and 3 year olds have ride on cars that cost what you can buy a used Bronco for.
    And most of all, I so miss the days of mixed tapes.
    Great post.

  32. I am SO WITH YOU on this. I keep hoping that all that stuff on TV is overexaggerated for ratings, and is not a true reflection of reality. Otherwise we are in major trouble.

    And, brittle on a muffin?? Pure genius.

  33. I am soo glad I found your blog! This rant is awesome, especially since my mom and I were discussing this yesterday… don’t worry I am out on my own, with 2 beautiful little girls and actually my mom rents from me :) BUT I see so many kids being given a disservice because they get EVERYTHING!!

    We were at a raffle last night and I was informed that one parents used to always have extra toys in the car just in case their kiddo didn’t win. They would still get “something” but that just teaches them that there’s no “chance”. This is disappointment in life and I think sometimes that’s more important to teach them than anything. I will definitely be back!

  34. As a teen, I agree with you. Yeah, my parents do give me stuff every once in a while, but for most things I end up paying for myself. I save birthday, Christmas money to last the whole year basically and then I get the random allouance. Right now I have a 2 month babysitting gig and this summer I’m working at Eliches to get some more money. I’ve been doing my own laundry since I was like 12 and I make my own lunches for school. I have a few friends that have their mom make their lunches for them and then one of them complained when she didn’t get her usual candy bar, but instead got marshmallows and chocolate. She called her mom to complain by the way. And those shows, don’t get me started on them. 3 words: Outrageous Kid Parties. That show makes me sick.

    Anyways, these look like tasty muffins! :)

  35. I totally agree with you!

  36. I agree with you! Since I could work I have worked, and my parents don’t pay for anything for me. It’s so hard when all my friends paretns pay for everything but I know they will be screwed later on in life. These muffins look awesome!

  37. You’d fit right in when my husband and I talk about how kids these days feel “entitled” to everything…good grades, cars, clothes, jobs, college education, the latest tech gadgets…all which should be earned whether it’s money the kids makes on their own or money from their parents earned by not talking back, helping around the house and not expecting everything to be handed to them!

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