Weighing in…

One compliment/comment my Weight Watchers leader gave to me years back (and part of why they trained me to be a leader myself) is that right from the first day I walked in to WW I was far more confident than the average person. Especially for someone who weighed what I weighed back then. She was right. Other people much smaller than me walked with their head down, dressed dumpy because they didn’t want to spend money on good clothes UNTIL they reached their goal weight, people who didn’t like themselves to begin with. I cheerfully dealt with my ups and down on the torture device called the scale and while I was usually in a sweatshirt as I went down in size I dressed to fit that size. I bought clothing that made me feel good at THAT size.

And while I was confident I was under a false impression (this is where I bear my soul a bit here people) that my weight was why my marriage wasn’t working. Deep down I knew this wasn’t the case but I grasped to that idea because it was better than the realization that my ex-husband and I weren’t really meant to be married. We all know how this story goes. I lost the weight and that just magnified the fact that my weight had nothing to do with anything.

I’ve been as high as 246 pounds and as low as 134 pounds (well my lowest was 7 pounds 2 ounces technically :P ) and at the end of the day I can honestly say I have felt the same inside. And even at my heaviest I still had low blood pressure, low glucose, good cholesterol, all the health things were good. I’m guessing because I always exercise but also genetics play a factor. In fact the super-secret to being thin is having naturally thin parents! Good luck with that. :D Though I will fully admit it is much nicer on my knees not weighing 246.

But at the end of the day my rent is the same no matter what I weigh. I have debt no matter what I weigh. My health numbers are exactly the same at every weight…in fact my cholesterol went UP when I got smaller (though still low)…I fully feel that people who are at health risk do need to lose weight don’t think that I am like oh you have diabetes here…have a Snickers. How I treat people is the same…if you treat better or worse based on what you weight…you kind of suck as a person. Don’t do silly things like not go swimming because you don’t want to wear the suit. Don’t go to the gym because you think people will stare…they won’t but even if they do…who cares???

And for goodness sakes eat! This is a corn relish that I love to serve with cheese quiche. One day I promise I’ll get back to baking (I go to the hand surgeon on Wednesday).


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  1. Oooo!! Here’s a recipe I can get my taste buds around!! (But I still want to fix the poster….that silly ol’ ‘teacher’ thing in me…..) All the best on Wednesday!!!

  2. @Chris- yeah, not my poster. Though the math and science teacher in me could care less about the grammar. :)

  3. For a while, when I was struggling with an eating disorder, I had convinced myself that my weight problem was why my parents’ marriage wasn’t working. I didn’t want to face facts that my dad was actually abusive to us and that’s why things went wrong. Reading food blogs, this one included, was one of the things that actually got me to start eating again, and reading bloggers’ stories about their struggles, divorces, family deaths, children, husbands, school, dogs, hair – everything! – was part of what helped me deal with my parents splitting up. I’m still working on the “love yourself” thing…but I’ve found it’s been a lot easier to remember the “love your food” part first. :D

    This recipe – corn, love; vinegar, love; hot sauce for zing and maple syrup for sweetness? It’s singin’ my name!

  4. I love how confident you are. I’m small, but I’m not so confident in how I look. When I look in the mirror I don’t see what I think other people see. When I was younger I got some negative feedback from people about my body (3 people asked if I were pregnant at age 13…). Then I started losing weight and I still got negative feedback, all of which was talked about behind my back. It sucks when someone you love are apart of that feedback. My lowest weight was 88 lbs. but after some revelations, a lot of pushing, and a lot of mindless college snacking, I’ve gained about 10 lbs. back. I really want to be more confident in my body, but it’s hard because it’s a mental thing. But each day I try. Again, I love how confident you are and how sure of yourself you are; you are an inspiration, Pea.

  5. I could eat this yummy corn relish on a chip, in a salad, in a taco…!

  6. Great message! As a former body hater I have learned that loving yourself is one of the hardest things a person can learn to do. But it is more than worth it! If only good health were glamorized rather than thinness.

  7. Peabody,
    You’re right about the weight thing but it’s so hard to become accustomed to the weight I’ve been gaining. I’m still squeezing myself into my old size and trying desperately to stop the weight gain. Unfortunately I think I’m at the age where nothing helps. I’m not as confident as you and I will keep trying to get back to where I want to be. I was never model thin by any means.

  8. Victoria V says:

    I was just thinking about tweeting to your or something to say thank you for all the wonderful things you’ve been pinning lately. I am loving every single one of them. Weight is just a number – this is something I need to keep in mind since I tend to only focus on that. So thank you. :)

  9. Margaret Barry says:

    I, too have gone up and down with weight, and absolutely loathe the way so many people treat me differently when I am thin than when I am fat. I’ve had a few heated discussions about this with friends, particularly those who truly do believe that if I am thin I am some how “better”. My husband is one of those dear people who really is “naturally thin” as his all his family. I am fortunate that my husband is well aware that thinness is not a character quality. His family, however are not and the outright visciousness with regard to size these educated and enlightened people feel free to display is sickening. I love your blog, and wish more women could feel confident in the gifts they possess, rather than feeling shamed by what just might be their natural healthy size. Rock on , Peabody.

  10. I follow you on pinterest and I have to say I really appreciate all the body positive repin’s lately. It’s so nice to have my homepage filled with that instead of models and diet plans.

  11. Thank you for such a wonderful post– I definitely feel exactly the same way as you about weight and happiness. Definitely needed to read this.

    Or it could just be North Seattle’s dreary weather we’ve been having ;)

  12. Loved your honesty here. A great awesome post.!

  13. I love your honesty, your heartfelt words, actually I love your entire blog. I just recently stumbled upon it and your recipes and blurbs that go along with each put a smile on my face and warm my heart. You are an amazing woman! I too have been every number on the scale from 250 to 102. After a couple of brushes with death, an eating disorder, and a painstakingly rough and long recovery I have learned many things but the most important is similar to what you have detailed here- joy is not a number on a scale or a size of jeans. One thing that my anorexia taught me was a true appreciation of food, I can’t wait to try so many of your recipes, they all look amazing! Stay just as you are Peabody because you are perfect and irreplaceable!!!

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