As many of you know, I get quite a bit of email from this blog. Some good. Some bad. Some way out there. Some highly amusing. But then I got this one. The one I am deeming better than the Refund Muffin letter. The one that could lead my blog into a whole other direction.

Dear Peabody,

I stumbled across your site while searching for porn. Your site came up under food porn. I thought it would be something else. I read part of your blog and I did like the picture of you in your wedding dress and want to encourage you to have real porn on your blog or you can just send me naked photos.

Looking forward to seeing you, all of you.

F

Dear F,

Umm. In my almost 5 years of running this blog this has been my first request to remove my clothing. Thanks???

That being said there are only a few fortunate souls who get to see me naked.
#1 Husband (position is filled)
#2 Hockey team in locker room. And this is only partial, really I think my swimsuit probably shows more.
#3 Women’s locker room at gym.
So looks like you are out of luck.

Staying clothed,
Peabody

As you guess it, this one threw me for a loop. It was however the highlight of the day, perhaps the week. But then the hard part set in (perhaps on F’s part…bad I know). What to make to represent this fine email? I had originally thought something with melons, so that I could title the post “nice melons”. But then I got to thinking, I don’t really want to make/eat anything with melon. It’s not really melon season and I am not a huge fan of melon desserts.

In the true sense that inspiration can come from anywhere, I was folding laundry. I have this t-shirt that I wear to bed from time to time. I originally bought it to wear to a tropical themed party…it has a coconut bra on it. And I immediately thought…coconuts. And thought, “I have a lovely bunch of coconuts”. And thus came about the coconut theme of the day.

The ice cream was chosen because it is quick and easy, just like F hopes I am. But just like ice cream F, I’m cold and frigid. This is simple with few ingredients. I added the dash of rum, because really, after a email like that, I could use a little hard alcohol in my life.

Lovely Bunch of Coconuts Ice Cream

Makes about 1 pint

2/3 cup heavy cream

1 cup coconut milk

¼ cup white or unrefined cane sugar

1 TBSP coconut flavored rum

In a medium-sized saucepan, bring all the ingredients to a boil.

Reduce the heat and simmer gently for ten minutes, stirring occasionally. Remove from heat, and chill the mixture thoroughly.

Once chilled, freeze in your ice cream maker according to the manufacturer’s directions.

Adapted from David Lebovitz.com who adapted it from Delicious Days by Nicole Stich

I think Joan Jett said it best. I really don’t give a damn ’bout bad reputation. Or my good one for that matter.

I’m not quite sure when it happens. When you start to care what others think about you. Your youth I guess. Lord knows you obsess over it in junior high and high school. And for some it never seems to go away.

My mother is a people pleaser. I used to be one too. Then somewhere along the way something snapped. The realization that I would never be pleasing all of the people all of the time finally sunk in. And so I just moved on. It’s very freeing I might add. Though I often get the reputation of being a heartless bitch. Eh. At least I am a bitch who brings you baked goods.

One reputation I do have and don’t mind having is that Cookie Baker Lynn calls me Queen Caramel, because of well, my love for caramel. And the fact that this blog has a lot of caramel. I should write a whole caramel based cookbook. Recently both Cookie Baker Lynn and Elle of Feeding My Enthusiasms named me a food blogger that makes them happy. Normally I am bad about filling these things out, but since two of my favorite people named me, I had to do it.

So here I go. I’m suppose to list 10 things that make me happy. I will skip all the regular family, friends, health, blah, blah, blah and get right to the shallow, superficial crap.

1. Hockey. Duh. Play it. Watch it. My day is much happier with hockey in it. Even happier when I am playing and do something right (such a rarity).

2. 96.723% of the clothing that Anthropologie carries. Some of their clothing makes me so happy I have been known to twirl in it.

3. Baking/Cooking for others and having them really enjoy it. It’s one of the most satisfying things ever to me.

4. Receiving random care packages from people out of the blue. There is nothing more fun than going to the mailbox and getting something other than a bill!

5. Getting a new cookbook and having the time to sit down and read it cover to cover. Same thing goes for a new cooking magazine as well.

6. Having someone cook/bake something for me. I think because this sooooo rarely happens that it makes it so much more extra special.

7. Hot Pockets…and other bad things for you. Eating a Hot Pocket and not burning the roof of my mouth. Eating Captain Crunch and not losing pieces of the roof of my mouth. Eating both of those and not have the calories count or the artificial everything destroy my insides.

8. Beer. Enough beer and I am really, really happy.

9. Discovering a new restaurant…a good one. Finding a crappy one isn’t all that hard.

10. Mascarpone cheese. Caramel. Hence this tart.
As we all know I have a Mascarpone cheese issue. I use it a lot. I use caramel a lot. I figured since they both make me happy, making this tart seemed like a no brainer for the happy post. It’s basically really creamy cheesecake (but no tang) topped with caramel baked into a cookie-like crust. Um, makes you pretty happy.

Caramel Topped Mascarpone Cheese Tart

For the Crust:
6 TBSP unsalted butter, softened
¼ cup sugar
2 large egg yolks
1 tsp vanilla extract
2/3 cup all-purpose flour
½ cup semolina flour
½  tsp salt
zest of one orange
Vegetable oil spray

Filling:
2 TBSP unsalted butter, softened
¼ cup sugar
1 ½  cups mascarpone cheese
1 large egg
1 egg yolk
1 tsp vanilla extract
2 TBSP heavy cream

Caramel Sauce (recipe follows)

For Crust:
Preheat the oven to 350°. In a bowl, using an electric mixer, beat the butter and sugar at medium speed until fluffy, 2 minutes.
Beat in the egg yolks, zest, and vanilla.
Beat in the flour, semolina, and salt and until a dough forms. Gather the dough into a ball and transfer to a large nonstick baking sheet. Cover with plastic wrap and roll it out to a 9-inch square, a scant 1/4 inch thick. Bake for about 10 minutes, until the edges are lightly browned. Immediately transfer the dough to a food processor and pulse until fine. Lower the oven temperature to 300°.

Line a 13 3/4-by-4-inch, straight-sided rectangular tart pan with a removable bottom with foil. Spray the foil with vegetable spray. Press a 1/2-inch layer of the crumbs evenly over the bottom and up the side of the pan. Refrigerate until firm, 20 minutes.

For the Filling:
In a medium bowl, using an electric mixer, beat the butter with the sugar at medium speed until fluffy, about 2 minutes.
Add half of the mascarpone cheese and beat at low speed until combined.

Add the remaining mascarpone cheese, the egg, egg yolk, vanilla, and cream and beat just until smooth, about 1 minute. Pour the filling into the crust and smooth the surface.

Set the tart pan on a sturdy baking sheet.

Position racks in the bottom and center of the oven. On the bottom rack, place a roasting pan filled with 1 inch of water. Place the tart on the center rack and bake for 35 to 40 minutes, until the filling is puffed and set. Let cool to room temperature, then refrigerate until chilled, at least 2 hours. Lift the tart from the pan and remove the foil. Transfer to a platter. Top with caramel sauce and serve.

Adapted from Food and Wine

Caramel Sauce

2 cups sugar
½ cup water
1 ½ TBSP light corn syrup
½  cup heavy cream plus 1 TBSP
1 tsp vanilla
2 TBSP unsalted butter, at room temperature

To make the topping:
Put the sugar, water and corn syrup in a medium heavy bottomed saucepan, stir just to combine the ingredients and then put the pan over medium-high heat.
Heat, without stirring , until the caramel turns deep amber, 5-10 minutes.
Take the pan off of the heat and, standing back from the saucepan add the cream and butter. When the spatters are less vehement, stir to calm down the caramel and dissolve any lumps. Add in the vanilla and whisk until smooth.

Adapted from Baking From My Home to Yours by Dorie Greenspan

Now, here’s the 10 blogs that make me happy:

Fabulously Broke: Always amusing and random. Just how I like things.

Angry Chicken: Because also amusing and random. And if I were to have a non-food blog I would totally want to name it Angry Chicken. Or Bow Legged Swamp Chicken. It’s a toss up.

Bittersweet:  Hannah is about the sweetest person there is…and she makes great vegan treats.

Cakespy:  Jessie is not only a talented artist she has a way awesome blog with funny posts. Plus it helps me find local bakeries.

Pages, Pucks and Pantry: What is not to love about a site dedicated to food and hockey. Though you must forgive her for being a Sharks fan.

Seattle Tall Poppy: If anyone has ever met Traca in person, you instantly love her. She is the best and runs an insightful blog.

Veggie Girl: This is a no brainer if you read my site. You know that I love all things Veggie Girl. Liz is about as awesome as a person is allowed to be!!!

What’s for Lunch Honey? Great photos and diverse recipes.

And of course, Cookie Baker Lynn and Feeding My Enthusiasms. I have had the pleasure of getting to meet both of these ladies. And let me tell you…I’m a better person for it!

So growing up I listened to a lot of punk music (still do). There was a group called Guttermouth that had a song called Perfect World. The song highlights all the things they would want in a perfect world. Got me thinking about all the things I would want in a perfect world. So here they are, in no particular order.

*The news would have to stop scaring people with stupid stuff. Telling me at 3pm, “you could you die from eating your dinner tonight. Find out at 11pm.” Find out at 11? If I am really going to die from my dinner, don’t you think you should give me a heads up before 11? In fact, go ahead a interrupt Oprah for me. It wont matter if I don’t get to find out some of Oprah’s favorite things if I can say, prevent myself from killing me and my family. Just saying.

*Hockey would be just as popular as Football. In fact, more popular. This would actually help men a lot in certain areas of their life. See, I don’t know if you watch the NFL, but there are a large amount of commercials for erectile dysfunction. LARGE amounts. It seems almost every other commercial is one. Apparently football watchers can’t get it up (yes, I know you are going to send me large amounts of hate mail). But watch a hockey game. Especially one being broadcast from Canada. Those commercials are usually for pizza and beer. Hmmm. Pizza and beer? Or non-functioning penis action? You decide.

*Reality shows would have to skip to the good parts. Sure, that would mean that the show would only be 4 minutes, but hey, I’m in charge in my perfect world. I don’t need two hours of the Biggest Loser. In fact, just make the whole show be them getting on the scale and weighing in. Then show me what the person who got voted off how they look today. No crying, vomiting, yelling, etc.

*Fake stars like Heidi Montag (btw- why the heck did you mess up your banging body with horrid looking breast?) and other Hills cast members don’t get to be popular. I don’t need to know where they shop. Or where they are getting coffee. Or that they are “just like me” because they pump their own gas. Oh yeah, we are so alike.

*No kids get to get sick. Ever. Just not fair. And only pain in the ass adults should get to get sick. Of course, I am a pain in the ass adult, so I would probably get stuck getting sick, but I would still enforce that rule.

*I would come out with a new food pyramid. One where bacon is the entire bottom. Swedish Fish, Whoppers, Toffee, and Red Vines become their own special food group, that you are encouraged to eat daily. We can keep fruits and veggies, just not force them on people. And I wont segregate them into starches. French Fries are indeed a vegetable. They are a really awesome vegetable when you fry them in duck fat.

*Whatever my horoscope says, actually has to happen (only the good ones like winning the lottery). Same thing with fortune cookies.

*I get to have all of Jerome Iginla and Danny Briere’s hockey skills…but still get to keep my winning good looks.

*And of course, everyone gets to eat dessert whenever they want….even before dinner. Or heck, as dinner.

Case in point, this here Baked Mocha Pudding, topped with Chocolate Mousse. If you are not a coffee fan, just leave the espresso powder out of them.

Chocolate Mousse Topped Baked Mocha Pudding

1 recipe chocolate mousse (I used this one)
2 Heath Toffee Bars, crushed

6 ounces semisweet chocolate, finely chopped
1 cup heavy whipping cream
1 cup half and half
1 tsp instant espresso powder
½ tsp vanilla extract
pinch of salt
6 large egg yolks
1/3 cup granulated sugar

For Puddings:

Preheat oven to 300F.

Bring cream, half and half, and espresso powder to a boil. Place chocolate into a heat proof bowl and pour cream mixture over chocolate.

Let chocolate sit for 2 minutes, then whisk until smooth. Let cool for 5 minutes.

In a large bowl, whisk together the egg yolks, vanilla extract, salt, and sugar.

Whisking quickly and constantly, pour the chocolate cream mixture in a slow and steady stream to the egg yolk mixture.

Pour custard through a fine-mesh sieve into a large liquid measuring cup and let sit in fridge for 10 minutes.

Place ramekins (I used 4 ounce ones, will make about 7) into a deep baking pan. Pour custard evenly among the ramekins. Fill the baking pan with water, just until the water reaches the middle of the ramekin, creating a water bath.

Bake for 30-35 minutes. They will still jiggle in the middle (don’t we all ) but will set more as they cool.

Cool on a wire rack at room temperature for 1 hour. Then move to fridge for at least 4 hours.

To serve, pipe chocolate mousse on top of the baked puddings and top with toffee pieces.

Ah, the little white lie. Chances are  you said one in your lifetime. If you’re married (especially for a long time) you  might say one once a day.

 Now we are all taught not to lie. Your parents teach you that. I am sure Barney the Purple Dinosaur probably has a song about not lying. Sesame Street taught me that. And the ABC after school specials did as well.

But as I got older I realized that they same parents who taught me not to lie, were (wait for it) liars themselves (oh the horror).
Case in point. My bunny (no, not the one I have now). Growing up I had several bunnies. The first one I ever had was an outdoor one in a hutch. One day when I woke up and my parents had that serious look on their face. I quickly scanned my head thinking ah shit, what did I do now, but then quickly remember that I was indeed the perfect child, so no worries there.
They sat me down to let me know that my rabbit had run away. I being the inquisitive little sucker that I am, relentlessly asked questions as to how this tiny little bunny could have escaped from the cage. Well, my parents must have not been ready for the full court press as their tiny white lie, got a little bit bigger. They told me that the neighbor (a guy I would later find out they didn’t like) had gone and pet the rabbit (we had no fence between us) and didn’t latch the cage right when he left. Well, hell hath no fury like a little girl who lost her bunny. Needless to say, the poor man’s flowerbeds never looked good again.

Years later, as an adult, we were all sitting around talking about something. And then it came out. That little white lie from so many years ago. The neighbor had not accidentally left the cage open. In fact, what had really happen was that a raccoon had gotten into the cage and ripped it to shreds. Now I don’t have kids, and even I know it was a good move on my parents part to not tell their young daughter about the true demise of her bunny. These are the times the little white lie is your friend.

Speaking of little white lies. I’m coming clean on one. A few years back for Christmas I got a lot of cookbooks. I mean a lot. 26 to be exact. I know some of you are saying to yourself, I don’t even own 26 cookbooks. But let us all remember that I am a cookbook whore (people are in awe of how many I own). To set the record straight I did not ask for that many cookbooks. But when all else fails, people buy me a cookbook. It’s a safe bet I am going to use it.

But because I got so many that year, a few of them got passed over (I was too busy focusing on the ones I asked for). One was a book called Chocolate Snowball. It wasn’t on my wishlist (Amazon) and I had actually never heard of it. It’s a cookbook a bakery in Dear Valley put out. So months later when the friend who gave it to me asked me how I liked the cookbook, I pulled out the little white lie and told her it was great. Except that I didn’t actually know. Because I didn’t actually really look through it yet. I had planned on doing that when I got home only to realize that I had packed it up. Yes, I have so many, I pack them up and rotate them through. So low and behold a few weeks before Christmas, I opened one of those boxes. And there it was, mocking me. Mocking me because there were recipes in there that I wanted to try. And if I had just bothered to look at it in the first place I could have already made the stuff.

Back when I made this you could still get fresh cranberries. I am quite sure that dried cranberries would work just as nicely, but I would go the unsweetened route. Or you could make this with fresh raspberries as well. This bread isn’t reinventing the wheel or going to cause world peace (like those chocolate cookies) but it’s a all around good quick bread.
So feel free to lie everyone. I’m sure many of you have even lied to me on here telling me something looks good when you are thinking not so much. But remember, a little white lie can go a long way.

Cranberry Orange Bread

8 TBSP unsalted butter, at room temperature
1 ½ cups granulated sugar
1 tsp orange zest
2 eggs
3 cups all-purpose flour
2 tsp baking powder
¾  tsp baking soda
1 tsp salt
1 cup orange juice (preferably fresh)
1 ½ cups cranberries, coarsely chopped
1 cup walnuts, coarsely chopped

Preheat oven to 350F.

Grease and flour a 12-x-4-inch loaf pan (or three mini pans).

Using an electric mixer (if using a stand use the paddle attachment), cream together the butter, sugar and orange zest.

Add the eggs one at a time, scraping down the sides and bottom of the bowl after every addition.

In a separate bowl, sift the flour, baking powder, baking soda and salt. Add half of the dry ingredients to the butter mixture.
Mix and scrap the bowl.

Add the orange juice and mix until fully incorporated.

Add the remaining dry ingredients and mix until ingredients just come together.

Fold in cranberries and walnuts.

Spread into prepared pan and bake for 60-75 minutes (about 40-45 for the mini). Cool for 30 minutes before removing from the pan.

Adapted from Chocolate Snowball and Other Fabulous Pastries from the Deer Valley Bakery by Letty Halloran Flatt